Seeking Why

What I discovered in my research and observations was how important it is to keep yourself pure, whole, and clean in mind, body and spirit, clear of all distortions of the world that can enter in. But first, I’ll explore how I came to this conclusion.

I needed to gather more evidence as to why this was happening. That would include going back into my childhood. Recalling all of my earliest years connected to any s*xual activities, behaviors, or actions on my part or the part of others. This detective work would be necessary to draw better conclusions over inconclusive accusations, overactive imagination, or lies. Whether I was prepared to research the information of my stored memory file or not was besides the point. It turned out, I wasn’t prepared, but it revealed many behaviors on my behalf.

The experience that turns to wisdom is found in the individual moments of our days. Each day is absorbed into us for a purpose. Each day either feeds or cankers the innocence within our soul. Every day is a social experience within one’s world, and those social experiences are the seeds of wisdom. Each and every moment is presented to us in order to gain a database of information, experience and direction at different times in our life. 

Since I didn’t think it was important enough to tell anybody, I didn’t. Besides having a conversation with a mother who wishes she never had you and wishes you didn’t exist, made it hard for me to talk about the neighbor boy. Talking to my dad never occurred to me as an option. Getting my mother to like me, let alone love me was the center of my mind, not the events of the neighbor boy. I learned early on, having any conversation that wasn’t centered around my mother, was difficult and to my mind didn’t exist. I swept his aggression under the rug, but the dust of his s*xual advancement settled on the shelf of my curiosity.

The Unusual Transference of Thoughts and Feelings

Throughout my childhood, my teenage years and into my adulthood, I paid attention to people’s life stories. I was particularly interested in my mother’s gossip about husbands divorcing their wives and remarrying six weeks later. The background stories captured my intelligence. The same story emerged in a familiar pattern. The divorcee often cried, “I knew something wasn’t right.” Ironically, this statement was followed by, “I was the last to know.”

As heartbreaking as it was to be the last to know, it was salt in the wound if they were also cheated on. I could only imagine it was overwhelming to feel you weren’t good enough or you had been used and taken advantage of in the bedroom. A familiar pattern continued to surface in my mind. If the man making love to his wife was thinking about other things like his mistress, another man, or pornographic images, a sense of disconnection would be passed on and transferred to his wife through his feelings. This would explain why my wife was picking up my mother’s anger through me. Even if the rage I absorbed as a child was not on the forefront of my mind, it was an unresolved issue between my mother and me that continued to impact my entire being. This would confound my wife’s thinking and confuse the natural course of oneness that is supposed to come with s*x. The complications of my past were invading my present life, disrupting my relationship with my wife. My wife was picking up on my unresolved feelings of anger, the feelings that had been handed to me through my physical connection with my mother. They weren’t feelings that I identified with or sought. I wasn’t an angry person. Yet it was undeniable that there was latent anger within my being because of the ongoing physical and emotional connection I had with my mother. I needed to cut more than the apron strings. I needed to cut the emotional ties with my mother, whether the issues were resolved or not, before I was intimate with my wife.

This led me to consider the possibility that thoughts could be transferred to one’s partner just as feelings could. I pondered the idea that my wife could read my mind when we were physically intimate. I decided to test my theory by repeating a statement in my head during intercourse. I thought since I am attracted to guys, maybe she’s attracted to women. I proceeded to silently tell her throughout our time together, ‘you’re gay,’ ‘you’re gay,’ ‘you’re gay,’ ‘you’re gay.’ The first time nothing happened, but the morning after the second time my wife explained that she had been uncomfortable the night before. She was angry. She said, “I don’t know what happened last night, but whatever it was I didn’t like it.” I knew at that moment that my wife could read my mind. Whether what I was telling her was accurate or not, she could read my thoughts. 

I wanted more evidence on this, to see if it worked for other people, too. I told the story to a friend of mine, and I suggested that she try it with her husband. She had one horse and wanted a second horse, but her husband didn’t want to have to care for it. He was absolutely adamant about not getting the second horse. I suggested that the next time she had intercourse with her husband that she would think about him buying her another horse. Interestingly, even before she tried this, he agreed to buy her a second horse. When I told another friend of mine, he asked what would have happened had I said something positive during those moments. I told him that I could have said something positive, however I felt I needed to be extreme in order to find out if indeed my wife could read my thoughts. This could explain why some people spend time in jail after having an affair with a prostitute. They would pick up all of the men that she had affairs with, complicating his mind. I believe it’s worth noting that doing this with intentions to manipulate somebody or your partner can be very destructive as I found out unintentionally. What is important more than anything else is to clear up your past so that it does not present itself in your future or in your relationships. 

My next task in this ongoing experiment was to explore how this happens. Exactly what is it that causes the pairing of thoughts as well as bodies during s*xual contact. My first notion was that somehow the fluids of the bodies that were being exchanged contributed to the phenomenon by stimulating the nervous system to receive these messages. The fluids carry an electrical charge at the cellular level. Just as they carry signals all over the body, they also carry signals between people when they exchange these fluids. Even a simple touch or a handshake where sebum is exchanged can send messages, because there is an electrical charge in the fingertips. Going a step further, there is such a thing that we are all familiar with called the energy in a room. How many times can each of us say that we walked into a room and could feel the tension? Or feel that there was a party going on? That tension is an electrical charge; it is an energy exuding from the bodies of the people in the room. People who are especially attuned to this energy are called empaths. As inconspicuous as it may be, an empath can send messages to our brain and they can perceive what other people are thinking and feeling when they are in the presence of another person and using their empathic connection. Being cognizant of these messages can help an empath send intelligent messages to one’s brain wirelessly.

We are individual towers, like portable beacons receiving and sending messages continually. These signals begin the process of pairing information to the brain with other people. The body as a whole submits electrical messages wirelessly. But not without consuming energy. Deciphering or second guessing these messages can even reflect our confidence. While I don’t currently have the data to prove this theory, I contend that through the process of combining the neurons of our nervous system with bodily fluids and then exchanging them with another person, we are capable of 

sending very specific and informative messages. Energy is the very definition of life on earth. Our bodies are energy receivers and processors. We are not energy creators. Science has proven that energy can be neither created nor destroyed. We convert energy from one form to another through eating, speaking, neurologically reacting, and through the exchanges of fluids. 

Nicola Tesla understood this well. In the early 20th century he developed the Wardenclyffe Project, also called the Tesla Tower. Nicola believed the ionosphere of the earth, that realm of earth that is full of energy and is separate from the vacuum of space, has the ability to receive and project beams of electrical energy and intelligence across the globe wirelessly. Similarly, our bodies beam information across the globe, receiving and emitting intelligence electrically from one person to the next without saying a word. He constructed tunnels to increase electrical grounding which coupled the towers with the earth, thus initiating standing waves for the projection of electricity. 

Our nervous systems also do this by grounding through awareness of the earth’s energy field. This is a state of mind that is freed from distractions, doubt, or dismissal, so that we might collect and project information wirelessly from one another, allowing us to couple or pair together. Because of how the human being was created by God, we require more than earthly grounding. We need to be connected to God as well through our spirits, and we achieve this through purity of soul. Purity, for its part, is achieved through righting our wrongs, through forgiveness, and through loving one another as Jesus Christ taught. We need this balance of intelligence to pair our lives together with one another, the environment, animals, plants, spiritual connections and more to fully function as homo sapiens. In order to have a positive impact on this world and all of its creatures and elements, we must thus embrace and protect our sublime innocence.

Final Thoughts

One of the conclusions I have drawn in response to this is that s*xual contact must be pure in both mind and body. When it is pure, it is a beautiful human communion of mind, body and spirit that is sublimely innocent. Short of that, it is a distortion of the mind that harms the soul. S*xual distortions change the nature of a relationship, and not for the good. 

Part of our sublime innocence is how we use our words. The meaning of words we give them sends messages to our senses submitting information to our brains. These messages are received continually through sounds, fluids, smells, tastes, sight and other less obvious senses as thought. Our bodies’ electrical systems pick up on these messages of energy.

Picking up on information from these signals depends on how grounded we are to our souls. Those who are in tune with this connection often become overwhelmed and may even feel it necessary to turn off these feelings so as to not become overwhelmed or exhausted from these signals continuously moving throughout every person they meet, greet or pass by. These individuals can become exhausted from the barrage of signals even when those messages are positive. 

This causes such individuals, empaths, to turn off the signals so that they can regain the ability to just function and try and live a ‘normal life.’ They can also reject this information and become angry, violent, scared of the supernatural, resulting in destructive behavior and becoming numb. They may feel the need to destroy or distancing themselves in relationships. All this information can be overwhelming within themselves not understanding that this is a part of the information beacon as a person. They don’t know how to disconnect. They don’t understand how to divide the good from the bad. There are also people who aren’t neurologically capable of living in an energetically chaotic or overstimulating environment. 

I’ve often wondered if the prisons weren’t full of people who have set out to destroy their lives and others in malicious ways in order to isolate themselves with prison life or find themselves in solitary confinement. This confinement can lead people to insanity, schizophrenia and a host of other psychological behaviors often referred to in the psychological business as some sort of disorder. These are worse case scenarios. 

The final takeaway from all of this is simply to be careful what you think about, careful what you say, and what you allow into your mind and heart. Your feelings and thoughts really do matter, in ways you cannot imagine as you sit in front of your screen reading this. On the hopeful side, you can have far more of a positive impact than you can imagine by healing your past traumas, healing your mind, turning your heart toward God, and dedicating yourself to a life of service to people. 

Robert Bautner